sometimes i like to think of how aggressively NOT a nature person steve would be
i mean, he’s a city boy. loves being a city boy. he had to survive in the wilderness during the war, but it was a lot of teeth-gritting, trudging through the mud, sleeping on the cold, rocky ground and longing for warm meals at home
so the first time sam takes him camping he’s just so CONFUSED and CONCERNED
like, sam are we going on the run or something, will they see us if we make a fire?? sam what did you do i will help you i promise
and the first time sam takes steve and bucky, bucky expresses the same level of wtf like, we are walking up and down hills for FUN?? why are we eating cold beans when microwaves have been invented what is this
and steve’s like, humor him okay we love him. remember we love him
(meanwhile natasha’s just too smart for this noise. she saw sam’s camper and NOPE’d out of the driveway so fast she left a rubber mark on the sidewalk. she spent the week at a 5-star hotel w clint eating junk food and watching a scifi originals marathon)
remember we love him
[I decided I should probably start sharing the long Check, Please! convos that I have with northerndownpour. Enjoy!]
Me: The best thing about Shitty and Lardo getting together, according to everyone else, is that it means Lardo can basically live in the Haus now.
ND: I was thinking about how when Shitty and Lardo finally get together and decide to be a couple, nothing really changes all that much except now they have sex. But maybe Lardo isn’t super keen on grand declarations and, honestly, she’s heard all these dudes chirp each other about their sex lives and as the manager, she could really do without having to hear about it from everyone else? So she’s like “Look, it’s not a thing, but… can we keep it just between us?” And of course Shitty’s like, “I respect your views and desires 100%.” Which leads to a lot of Holster and Ransom trying to figure out who Shitty keeps hooking up with when they hear it on their way to the attic.
Me: Shitty has brought girls home before, but usually he’s pretty quiet. Now he’s suddenly all kinds of vocal.
ND: I was thinking she crashes there anyhow sometimes so it’s not weird for her to stumble out of Shitty’s room in the mornings. But imagine Lardo’s delight when Rans and Holster corner her and they’re like, “Dude. Duuuuude. We have some NEWS.”
Me: “Whoever Shits is seeing is blowing his goddamned mind.”
ND: “Our very own Shitty. SECRET. GIRLFRIEND.” And she’s like “No way! Tell me everything!” And they’re like “Come on!! You have to know something. You’re his BEST FRIEND.”
Me: Her phone goes off during sex and it’s them being like “She’s here!!!!” She texts back that maybe it’s different girls and gets a long dissertation back from Ransom about how Shitty’s been behaving and how it’s definitely something new and more serious.”
ND: During pillow talk, Shitty is all “We could just tell them. They won’t talk smack. They adore you. They already think I’ve violated the bro code for not telling you.” And Lardo’s like, “Ehh, I’m enjoying this, actually. Drunk with power! Let’s see what happens!”
Me: As other people notice and ask about it, she tells them they can’t tell Rans and Holster. Chowder gets it before them.
ND: Sweet baby Chowder lets it slip somehow.
Me: I think there’s a beer pong tournament and, when she wins, Lardo is drunk and happy enough that she kisses Shitty.
ND: And Ransom is all “uh oh” and Holster says, “This could get awkward,” but Chowder says, “I think it’s great how they’re finally comfortable being public with it! After keeping it a secret all these months!” And Ransom and Holster are all “… What the fuck?” Holster is soooo indignant. They told CHOWDER???
ND: And in the end, Lardo has to take a peace offering u to the attic in the form of Shitty’s weed and they all smoke up and hug it out. Ransom tries to be all “honestly, I just thought it was jacked up ‘cos i know he’s been in love with you forever and I tried to tell him he was wasting his time not being with you.” To which Holster’s like, “Dude, no. That was my opinion. You can’t just steal my opinion. Which leads to a discussion about if opinions are intellectual property.
Me: Lardo wanders away in the middle of that because she’s got better things to do with her time. For example, making Shitty give her backrubs.
ND: Shitty’s back rubs are epic, but even more so when she’s kinda stoned.
Me: He’ll do it forever too. Even after she starts snoring. He thinks her little snores are adorable.
ND: THEY ARE ADORABLE. Shitty’s just constantly like, “Oh man, I have no clue why this amazing girl is even into me. It makes negative sense.”
Me: She does a painting for his birthday and he just stares at it sometimes, like it will explain what’s going on.
ND: Also, she’s known his actual first name for a long time, but she pretends she still has no clue if anyone asks her. Jack is like … “really? But you’re together. I don’t understand.” And Lardo shrugs. “It’s probably some boring white boy name anyway. Why’s it matter?”
Me: Lardo has a lot of her time earmarked for fucking with the team.
ND: She’s tiny and kind of evil.